Me: *critically examines own fingernails* Why won’t my nails grow faster?
Also me, an hour later: *balances precariously on the edge of toddler’s cot, ignoring the uncomfortable edge of the bed rail under my backside and the drool around the flashlight in my mouth, leans in further, trying to crane neck at a 90 degree angle for better look, see if the thumb nail can be approached from this direction or will risking rolling toddler over be required* WHY DO HIS NAILS GROW SO FAST???
The Feathered Rose 